The Dark Before The Morning
Lately, I've been feeling spiritually full. I feel aligned, for the first time in a while, with the Lord and His Word. It is truly amazing. Especially because it wasn't always that way. It was dry land until the next service...but even then, being as a Christian mother in church is not about quenching your thirst. It's about giving. And giving. And even more giving.
You can feel drained when the well is already empty. You can feel worn, torn, like God has abandoned you in a pit filled with laundry and dirty dishes. You can feel confused and bruised, unsure of how to teach a little one how to be a great person when you suddenly realize how awful you really are. You begin to see more flaws then you thought existed and begin to lose sight of the river. How can you drink if your vision is blocked by tears of uncertainty?
God showed up for me. Not because He wasn't there the entire time. Oh, He was. It was when I stopped wallowing and started following. When I stopped looking at the water and started remembering the clouds. Without the clouds, without the storm, there is no rain to replenish the soul. If we want the rainbow blessings, we have to put up with the tragic rainstorms, the lightning and even the thunder of our carnal thoughts.
This life is not easy. It's even harder for any mother, Christian or not. Shoot, it's hard for any person, male or female! You need to hold on with every ounce of faith. Hear me. You will not see the fruits of your labor, of your struggle, of your pain until later. Much much later. You will not see the results of your hard work or the impact of your influence right away. That doesn't mean that nothing is going on. Do you believe that?
Something is working! Something is steering! In the midst of your battle, in the midst of your heartfelt prayers and tear-soaked pillow sessions. The promise with happen. The deliverance will occur. God WILL show up because He is already doing something. When we are at the very end of our rope, God is still holding it. When we feel our fingers lifting off of the edge, He is at the bottom with a large net. When we look around and cannot find a single person who relates or who cares, Jesus does and is with you. But first you must be with Him.
You have to step out of that boat and meet Him. You have to climb through the dirt, out of your personal grave and crawl into His lap. You have to bury those burdens, expectation and sorrows...and pick up His Word while you pick up your cross. You cannot do this by your own power. I can't be a good wife and raise a child without first being the daughter of the One true King! How can I expect myself to have any answers when I never ask the One who made it possible to have questions?
Jesus gave me a mouth to bless His Name. To praise and worship Him no matter what. Not to complain and speak venom. Jesus gave me hands to help and to serve. Not to be harsh and violent. Jesus gave me emotions to connect and have compassion. Not to have self-pity and manipulate my relationships.
The darkness is only but for a moment. It will not be night forever. The morning has to come sometime and that is where you need to find hope. Forget what the darkness is doing to you right now but imagine how much greater impact the light will have! Light consumes darkness. It eats it for breakfast. Darkness has to flee when the light is near. Remember that. Remember the Light.
Recommended scripture verses:
2 Corinthians 4:6
1 John 2:8